Things Women Fear

"Let a woman see a mouse or hear a single flap after midnight," said a male acquaintance of mine recently, "and you can forget all this talk and talk about equalities."

He maybe right. For we women, it seems, are not quite the brave, self-reliant, competent creatures we like to believe we are.

Surveys have turned up nearly a hundred common fears that women harbour. If we are afraid of: snakes and spiders, getting fat, growing old, making a speech, staying alone at night, hurting people's feelings. We are worried that our children will fail or be rejected; we brood over criticism; we think that our loves will fly away from us; we are afraid that we will be thought too feminine or not feminine enough.

Of course, women could counter with considerable list of fears that men are heir to. But just as we are unlike men in our gifts and our ways of loving so we are unlike them in the things that frighten us. Men, psychologists discover, are more likely to worry about money and careers; women, about love and marriage. Men lie awake brooding just about possible surgery or a visit to the dentist, while women blithely dead to the hospital for a new baby, reflecting that they are going to have a little rest from household chores.

Not only are women afraid of different things, but also we behave differently under the stress of fear. Oppressed by the imminence of failure or the futility of the uni verse, a man is three times as likely to commit suicide. Women give vent to their anguish, instead. We weep more than men and ask for help more often. But if you think that we solve our fears any better or having wept over them, put then behind us for good, you are wrong. We often waste and paralyse our lives because we are afraid.

Take for instance, our biggest fear - people. Every test proves that women are more socially competent than men, yet we are the ones who are more frightened of other human beings. And because we are afraid, our intuitive capacity for getting along with others is often stymied before we can use it.

Fear does that to all of us. People want to love and understand us, but we don't let them. We are too busy worrying about the little personal mistakes we make. At the time we can't love others, either because we are so busy trying to  use them for reassurance that we don't see them as real people at all.

Another worry of most women is that we can't cope, that our responsibilities will be too much for us. Have we enough experience for this job? Is our opinion worth anything? In our fear, we turn down new experience much more often than men do: we are likely to try new jobs and new ways of life. "Well, all right," you may say, "but what can we do?"

Paradoxically, the first thing we must do is to admit that we are afraid. It is astonishing to how much trouble we go to hide our fears from ourselves. It's not, we think that we are afraid to meet strangers; we prefer a quiet life. It is not that we are afraid to express ourselves to those we love; it's just that reserve is more dignified.

Fear begins to retreat only when we accept it and say, "I'm frightened, but so is everyone else, and they go on getting things done." We would all feel better if we remembered that people are as much concerned with our option of them as we are with their opinion with us. They, too, are eager for approval. When we care about them and try to understand how troubled they are, we cannot be afraid of them.

Nor would fear make us inadequate of our responsibilities if we could persuade ourselves that there is nothing wrong with failure. A certain number of errors are par the course, and through long apprenticeship, men understand this better than women.

Most of women's fears are, after all the fears of tomorrow. It is not that we cannot cope with this moment, but that we might be able to cope next week, next month, next year. So it is calming to realize that many of the catastrophes we brood over never happen. And if we look back we will find that, when faced with a difficult situation, we had the power to meet it. We longed to avoid the dread experience. But it came, it is past, we survived.

Finally, there is no real way out of fear unless we believe in ourselves as women. The gifts of feminity are good gifts. We do not need more of the talents usually attributed to men: sense of competition, toughness, and rationality. But we do not need to use our intuitive capacities, our understanding and compassion.

Then, too, we should trust other people. How necessary this is for men, critical, as we are, afraid as we are of loosing those we love. Nearly always we keep the love we trust and find kindness when we expect it.

People will help us; life itself is geared to work for us. And in the end, it is here that our trust must lie: in the conviction that ebb and flow of joy and sorrow are a pattern in the hands of God. We are sustained wrote Rabbi Joshua Loth Liebman, "by a universe than ourselves and preserved by a love beyond fathoming."

Courage is a way of saying "yes" to life. If the 20th century calls on women to be braver than ever before, it is our good fortune to live in these times. For only the brave are happy, only the brave are loved, only the brave are wise.

   *****************************************************************************
Credits to my grandpa's sister.. All of these thoughts are her's and it was left unedited. Hope women would love it.

Why Do Women Want to Marry?

Before reading the whole article below, I would like to inform you that this article came from my grandfather's sister's journal who has passed away for about 4 decades already. I have read her journal once, which is currently under the care of my mother, and I read it again which made me understand it fully. I hope women and men would take their time to read this very interesting thoughts of hers.

*WHY DO WOMEN WANT TO MARRY?*

Why do women want to marry? This something the philosophic male often ponders. To his prejudiced eye, he often seems that most of the woes that befall all women can be traced, directly or indirectly, into marriage.

Marriage appears to cause many of them to go rack and ruin. Or if doesn't, then what does? What else is there to blame? A single girl of 22, in many ways, represents feminity at its peak. She is neat, strong, healthy and attractive. She has a job and is financially independent. She likes sports and is well informed on world affairs. She doesn't know it, but she is in the prime of life.
What happens? She listens to some wedge-headed youth who tells her, "What a pretty dame like you doing wasting yourself behind a computer? Why don't you let me take you away from all this empty nonsense?"

She does. She marries the goof. And then what happens? Why does she go straight downhill? She falls apart like a wet paper bag in a hurricane. The years peel like she was an artichoke.

Before marriage: she could play 36 holes of golf and demand, "anybody for tennis?"
After marriage: she can't walk half a clock without looking around for a taxi

Before marriage: she could carry a 25-pound pack on all day hike without any help.
After marriage: she can't struggle into a girdle without help.

Before marriage: she like better than inviting a boyfriend to her apartment and dishing him up a nice meal.
After marriage: she can't suddenly stand her own cooking anymore. She wants to eat out at least three nights a week.

Before marriage: a nice cloth suited her fine.
After marriage:  something happens to her metabolism. "I just can't take this cold winters the way I used to," she says. "I have to wear a fur coat or I'll freeze to death."

Before marriage: she woke up looking like a dream.
After marriage: as she yawningly places the breakfast toast on the table, she looks like a nightmare.

Before marriage: She could talk on any subject.
After marriage: the only topic she really interested in is, "Why don't you either ask your boss for more money, or look for a better job?"

Before marriage: she loved acting as a baby-sitter.
After marriage: she spends most of her time trying to find a baby-sitter.

Before marriage she didn't have a gray hair in her head, and shape like a willow tree. After marriage?

But why go on with it? What matrimony does to the average woman is obvious to anyone - even herself.

The puzzle remains: why do women eagerly see marriage, when they know its terrible price?

The whole concept of romantic love is a lot of hogwash. It all goes back to the fairy tales - and they lived happily ever after. Marriage is practical business - takes a lot of hardwork.

No other relationship involves so strict a personal adjustment. Too many young people look at the honeymoon as a cure-all for whatever ails the other person. If any changes are to take place, they should be done before marriage.

Confusing infatuation with love can be one of the most costly mistakes. There is always a need of longer courtship. Don't rush into marriage. A courtship of three months or more is imperative.

Changes for successful marriage vary considerably with the age of the couple. Possibilities are less hopeful when the boy is under 22 and the girl is under 19. Best chances for a successful marriage are when the man in between the ages of 28 and 30, and the woman is 24 to 28.

Look for a common interest. Similar economic, religious and social backgrounds are important. Emotional adjustment is more important than physical adjustment. Most essential is the desire to make a go of the marriage. Both husband and wife should share this desire. All other things can be overcome if that's there.

Sex is vitally important but rarely the cause of a disrupted marriage. It becomes a big issue when the other adjustments go off the track.

**All credits to my grandfather's sister. I never met her personally, or see me born, but through her journals, I knew how she considers marriage sacred.

Typhoon Haiyan / Yolanda

It's heartbreaking to see my fellow Filipinos having all these experiences, especially in the Visayas region which have experienced the most devastating event of the year in the country. What really made my heart break is the Typhoon Yolanda (Haiyan) aftermath and its greatest effect on the Filipinos.

The Philippines is a country prone to climate change and typhoon is not new to this country. What is expected is that we should have been ready for any incoming typhoon that is coming towards us. Yet what happened is that a lot of communities have been destroyed and more and more dead have been reported everyday. We could not blame them for the chaos that has been happening in those communities affected for there is major scarcity of basic necessities. Violence has reported to arise due to slow outreach of help. There was no safe place to settle on, nothing. People no longer trust anyone.

Whose to blame in the first place? For me it felt like I should blame my own government for being too slow, too short minded, to lazy to help. But in the end, they shouldn't be blamed. We are all to blame.  Many of us have commented harshly on the government, made rants to people who give cruel opinions on what had happened, took advantage of the devastation to steal from people who are willing to help. Truly you may hate them but hating them and making such rants at social networking sites doesn't do anything in helping the people of those who were affected. Ignore them because it is preventing you from helping them and just wasting your time paying attention to these low life.

While writing this,  I am terribly having trouble getting some sleep, thinking about the situation of the people affected. I tried to search some photos on the internet regarding updates on the typhoon aftermath and what I see made me cry. I really wanted to reach out for them. Wishing I have enough resources to help them and provide them where everything was lost in a flash. I could not imagine how those people still manage to stand up where it seems that there was no hope left. I guess, we Filipinos are born to be optimistic, have a positive attitude that one day, the dawn will come and everything will rise up again. I wrote this short article for the people affected. I want to strengthen them more and hope would inspire them to stand up, be strong. We are here to help them, we are all trying our best to reach them all.

Tell me, with your relatives gone, your house wiped out, you have nothing to sleep on, no dry nor clean clothes to wear, no food and water to sustain your energy and survival, no safe place to move on, most of all your sanity to absorb all these? How would you start again? Perhaps, how would you live?


A big thank you's for all those who helped our country. Forever we will be grateful for all the efforts you have made for us. Tonight I just realized that in circumstances like these, Americans, Filipinos, British, Japanese or whatever you call yourselves from your origin of country exist - . all are just HUMANS.

How To Eat A Chocolate Bar

Most people wonder how I could actually consume the whole chocolate bar in one sitting. They say that it is so sweet that they couldn't do the same thing I can. One thing is that maybe I have a sweet tooth since I was a kid, and that any type of chocolate attracts me. The attraction for me goes different. Just by looking at it at a photo, or taking a glimpse of it, or merely talking about it right now makes my mouth melt, like a hungry coyote. The brand of chocolate that I love most is from Hershey's. Every time I take a bite, its like chocolate from all over the world rains upon me. I like how the cocoa taste runs through my tongue. Like how smoke spreads through my mouth; and the creamy  naughtiness that makes me crave for more. It drives me from stress, relaxes my mind and say, "This is just soooo good!"

A Short History

Chocolate came from the Aztech word, chocolātl, where most of its sources are derived from xocolātl, from xococ 'sour' or 'bitter', and ātl 'water' or 'drink'. Chocolate is derived from cocoa beans called, Theobroma cacao, a tropical plant. The Aztechs used it as an offering to their dieties. They also present and use the cocoa beans to drink. This was soon adopted by the Europeans infusing sweets to it and used it mainly for desserts. By the 19th century, John Cadbury developed the first solid chocolate through his process of emulsification. As of today, this is popularly known as the chocolate bar. (Reference: Wikipedia)

The most consumed type of chocolate being bought by consumers is the milk chocolate. According to my research, milk chocolate contains cocoa solids, cocoa butter, mixed with milk and refined sweets. But raw chocolate is actually bitter in taste. The flavor is only extracted through several processes such as fermentation. But getting back to milk chocolate, most people say its too sweet. They couldn't eat the whole bar. Also, considering our personal tastes, we don't do the same as always. I do admit I love chocolates. They say its unhealthy. Yes it is, but only on irregularly large amounts. This is actually because milk chocolate contains refined sugar. Hence, dark chocolate has proven numerous health benefits into our circulatory system since it is close to as being pure chocolate and that raw chocolate is chocolate's healthiest form. Also, research found out that people who eat more chocolate are slimmer than those who don't. Chocolate is purely for indulgence, not a substitute for a daily meal.

Since some people couldn't appreciate chocolate much, well here's a fact: when you honk down your food, your taste buds somehow gets tired trying to catch up with the taste. Thus, you experience early satiety. Same applies with how you eat your chocolate. Since chocolate is for indulgence, eating it takes time. You need to make your taste buds work to taste what chocolate wants to bring, rather than catching up a full tummy. As a chocolate lover, here are some tips with how I eat a chocolate bar.

1. Make sure you haven't experienced satiety yet. Having a full tummy decreases your appetite to eat again. So if you're full, don't force yourself to eat again or you'll make your stomach suffer. Also, consider that your nostrils are patent and you do not experience colds. To appreciate the flavor better, our sense of smell contributes to how we taste food.

2. Chocolate is best eaten after a salty meal. Perhaps, make chocolate your dessert. Because eating the same taste of food after another increases your chance to satiety.

3. Before starting to take a bite, try to appreciate the aroma of the chocolate. Just by smelling the aroma gives the ability of your brain to increase your appetite to the food you eat.

4. When taking the first bite, allow your salivary glands to moisten the food. This helps in bringing the flavor out and helping your taste buds work better. Do this by allowing the chocolate to play with your tongue by melting it. 
5. Don't chew. Chewing only tires your taste buds and lead yourself to satiety. Melt the chocolate until its all like liquid in your mouth. Then, this is the time that you swallow. Don't get yourself too excited by eating more, but eat more because you enjoy it rather than making you full.

Try doing this and you'll be able to enjoy chocolate like I do. But still, if it doesn't work for you, maybe this isn't what you are fond of. I mean, come on, everybody loves chocolate. There will always come a point where you will eat one. Try to find other ways with how you could enjoy it and decrease your chance for chocolate satiety. Off course, take breaks too. Allow yourself to be chocolate free for days and make you crave for them after wards. 

Have a fun chocolate indulgence!

Love at First Sight, Literally

I used to wonder why some long term relationships end. In their seven years, eight years, what could have possibly gone wrong? Why did they take it so long before they realize that they weren't meant for each other? It sometimes felt like they wasted so many years. Somehow, it also took long before I came to realize it.

Falling in love is an amazing experience. The way that he first stared in your eyes; the first time she showed how much she cared; the first time you said how you felt for each other. Your heart starts to beat fast, feel butterflies in your stomach. Your cheeks started to blush. You felt like you became mute and don't know what to say next. We all remember how it felt and most of the time, hoping that we could feel the same way over and over again. Falling in love with the idea of love is so much different with falling in love with the person you found love with. Romance that has covered in the first phase of falling in love is - like angel's breath that swept through your cheeks, its light, its soothing. But this romance thing doesn't last long as we all know of. We start to fall in love because the idea at first is there, its what invites us more to this person. But the real thing is what happens after this romance ends?

When both of you started as young lovers and almost grew with each other, you both get matured and discovered things differently. At most times, you wouldn't get along so well anymore. You both chose separate ways, this is where an eight year or seven year relationships end. Because you grew on different ways. You were only caught with the idea of love, not with the person you applied the idea. They say that we should wake up from that fantasy, from that fairy tale we've watched as a kid. It  only happens in stories, but never in real life. Most of these stories start the first time they glanced each other, fell in love, get misunderstandings, and by the end, get married and have kids. But what actually happens next is - LIFE. Can you still say how much your heart beats fast when your husband comes home from work exhausted and takes a rest, just saying, "I'm home, hon"? Can you still feel butterflies in your stomach realizing with how much you and your partner are busy at work struggling to provide for your family? Can you still see how your face would blush when you both argue with each other? How would you fall in love with your partner once again when you realize your differences, and how much you disagree with both of your ideas? Because you don't feel the spark of love anymore, or the idea of how you felt in the first place, you tend to search for it. When searching inside is unsatisfactory, we search outside.

Somebody told me that it isn't wrong to search what you want outside. The fact that they say its wrong because they attach the idea that you are already tied to somebody else and you must only look upon this person within the term of the relationship. But actually falling in love again is not a bad thing to deal with.  If another cycle of relationship starts, you will feel the same way again by having to feel romance at first but will feel cold and something lacking next. What is lacking is not the romance, but the capacity to love that person in spite of the cold flow between the two of you. You keep the relationship going because you learned to love this person understanding how well he does to you and to others and how well he handles the relationship.

Learning to love this person is much more important than falling in love. That is why I never believed that the person you'll be with will always be based on your fate or destiny. Remember that our fate lies within our hands. We decide which one leaves and stays. Say for an example, you do love this guy when suddenly he walks away for some reasons he didn't tell you, would you simply let him go despite the fact that you knew how strong he feels for you? Would you just stare at him walk away? Loving this person is actually a blessing, being loved by him in return is a bonus. You both decide whether you'll be meant for each other. You must work on it to keep that long term relationship be endless and stronger all through those years. What makes it difficult is making your desires for romance a priority rather than thinking about what you two have already gone through. Make this person love you more and learn to love him more. Make it endless by loving real life with him. Because relationships only end when the other chooses another path, alone.





- From the concept of, "Did I Marry the Right Person?"

Shout to Employment

"Yay! I finally had one step towards achieiving a stable career," for a fresh graduate who finally had his / her first job, this would be the statement. I had my first job, but would that be really considered a job?

For a nurse in the Philippines, competition between nurses are felt when finding a job, impressing the supervisor, or even working as a volunteer. The time I started as a volunteer, I felt tension rising between me and my colleagues. It felt somewhat disturbing or maybe intimidating because you might get left behind if you don't do something about it. So what I do is that, I try to do what I know as a nurse, sometimes showing off just to let your supervisors notice you. Admit it or not, we tend to be showing off, we are not just aware of it. I knew I have to do my best if I really wanted to be absorbed as a staff. But sometimes, I get lazy and all especially when I am on a graveyard shift. I just finish all what I had to do on time then take a nap for 2 hours. Yes, take a nap. I love what I do as a nurse, but still different when you get paid. I just thought that in time when I finish this, I can have what I want, a stable job.

Its really difficult trying to do your best when you felt you don't get reward for anything that you do. But think twice, there is a reason why you entered this path. Yes, for the situation of nurses here in the Philippines, to obtain an adequate period of experience so we can finally jump abroad for a better nurse job. With this kind of volunteering, I still find myself and my other co-volunteers being exploited. But do we have a choice?

I experienced being yelled at by a patient. I also have experienced a doctor getting mad for my actions. I skip my timely meals, I forget my full bladder just to attend what I have to do. I use my own money and allowance to work, but sill no salary. I just hope that by the end, all of this will turn to gold.

I was once chatting with my friends previously regarding issues on applications of nurses to some hospital institutions. What I hate most is the "Palakasan" or "Kapit" or in english term, "Strong Connection" system. Take for an example, two fresh graduate nurses who applied as a staff nurse. One has to undergo all through the systems of the hospital for application while the other says, "Good thing, I have someone who can help me inside". Her aunt, mom, a family friend, mom's close friend, my bestfriend's mom who works there. This other party doesn't have to take exam. "Just send me your resume and I'll take part in everything." I mean what? Yeah sure, I'm jealous 'cause I get to spend and wait for a week for what I will do next while you get to wait for a minute until you can start your job. Its totally unfair. That's why Philippines nurses have no other choice but to be left unemployed or underemployed and worse - exploited. I wish that someday this kind of system would be gone. Its corrupt, its unfair for those who do not have power.

I cannot blame others for taking this advantage because of the competition for employment. But I hope they could also consider others who can do better than those who have power and sometimes an empty shell.

Frustration

Being rejected was something very difficult to accept. Even if you already got the idea why, it was still difficult to understand why it was not meant for us. We at times experience things that tend to give us hope, having faith on what we hold on to. Usually it gets exaggerated and made us to expect - when doing so is not healthy.

"Being unwanted wasn't exactly a new thing for me," a popular line from Leah Clearwater (Breaking Dawn Part 1, 2011). Hearing those words again makes me think that I wish I felt the same. That being rejected was fine for me, like it was nothing at all. By the time they told me this wasn't meant for me, it was like the whole world tried to push me down, deeper. I know that I did my best, prepared myself for almost everything but due to physical constraints - being a part of what I wanted to be is not going to happen.

I was an inch close to fulfilling my dreams. I thought that through this way, I can finally begin my life's career. Everything was already set up, prepared. What was lacking then is my actions, my decisions to putting everything in place. But I was never really close where no more space could occupy - even an inch. I told my self to be strong. I admit that I have a weak foundation to keeping my feelings, but I managed to stay strong and put my self into mind over matter. I kept my chin up. I tried to be a good sport. Fortunately, I was able to be strong, well for now, at least.

As I walked home, I realized that maybe this wasn't really meant for me. That if I walked away from this path, I  may have saved my self for some regret. I knew God has a better plan for me. For now, I still ask my self where should I head next? For all my plans were fixed to this point where I never thought of "plan B's". I thought that everything will be continuous. But I never realized the other side until I was already there. To compensate for my frustrations, I suddenly got my patience so short that I want everything in a hurry. It felt like I'm already running out of time. I couldn't wait more until I see and prove myself that I am still within the line of my plans. I could not keep myself to over think that I may be off track.


An opportunity doesn't last forever. It felt like I threw all those opportunities away when I stick to one plan. I should have taken all of them in and if by chance that this path I chose wasn't possible, still I have my back up. Honestly, my mind today is so narrow that I am not able to see the broader aspect of attaining my goals. And it really is stupid that I keep saying these things to myself yet I am not able to push myself into it. It's so frustrating.

As of today, I guess I am in a state of grieving. I have no idea which stage I am now but I know that by the end of the tunnel there is light, there will still be tomorrow and I hope 2012 isn't the end of the world yet. I still need more strength to stand up from my knees, so help me God.