What is Going Steady?

All of us are well aware tat going steady is a social institution here in the Philippines. It is one of the many modifications of modern age. It has brought about this modern trend of early marriages and elopements. It is one of those things, which we have adapted from the United States for the sake of convenience.

Here are some of the different definitions of Going Steady:

a. an engagement to be engaged
b. an agreement to steady companionship without any thought of marriage
c. the granting of privilege above ordinary friendship
d. an agreement for exclusive social activity
e. an institution for young people equivalent to engagement for older people
f. merely an attraction to this particular member of the opposite sex

Don't you notice that one definition contradicts another? The first one actually contemplates marriage; the second is completely void of the idea of  marriage. The third, granting of privileges above ordinary friendship, deals only with the idea of privileges without again the thought of marriage; the fourth limits itself to steady companionship without the thought of marriage. The first and the fifth are in some ways similar, but they are different in the sense that the first is a promise in itself through marriage is remote, because of the age of the individual. The sixth is different from the rest, because there is no agreement whatsoever, whereas the other definitions there are some elements of agreement.

Generally, the idea is not to get married but to obtain some special advantage. Some go steady merely because everybody is doing it; while others go steady because they have an irresponsible attraction towards each other.

Others go steady with different girls successively in order to find out which girl is the right girl for him. Some boys go steady for pride or conquest or simply to wangle a job from the girl's father. Some girls go steady for pride of conquest; others, merely for flattery. Some girls go steady to stop the gossip around school and making it true; others, to spite and bait boys.

Dangers of going steady:

Going steady is a certain kind of mutual agreement brought about by mutual agreement between a boy and a girl. Boys and girls enter into such agreement when they are 14 or 15. However, it is generally at 16-19 when boys and girls do get steady. But it is at 22 for girls and 26 for boys when they are physically, emotionally and financially ready to get married (that is, back in the 90s. Right now, I don't think so).

The privileges of going steady: It is considered the privilege of each party to have the first choice in the other's company in dances, on dates, visits, telephone calls and other social activities about his or her feelings or problems to the other. In many cases, such as physical privileges are kissing and holding hands are included.

The rules:

1. The girl cannot receive visitors while the boy cannot visit girls.
2. The girl cannot receive phone calls from other boys while the boy cannot call other girls.
3. For socials, as much as possible, the boy should escort the girl. However, if this is possible, permission has to be asked for any social where the boy and girl cannot go together. In dancing, slow drag is usually forbidden with other boys or girls.

What are the advantages of such arrangement? It gives the boy and the girl an opportunity to know each other quite well. Such an intimate knowledge would mean better - married life later on. Such an arrangement makes the life of the boy and the girl more secure socially, at least, in the sense that the girl practically has no worries about whom to take to his next class party. There are also such romantic advantages as having inspiration or having someone to love.

And what can be the disadvantages possibly consist in? They have to be alone together for long periods of time like going on dates, parties, and other activities. Here, there is moral danger involved. When a boy and a girl, who are in love or thinks they are, alone together, the temptation to sin becomes very grave. They consider it their privilege to kiss and hold hands, and the temptation becomes even greater. Since the couple is usually years away from marriage, emotionally and financially, one of two things can happen, either the couple commits sin, or they get married. I do not say that these things usually happen all the time, but the danger of these things happening is certainly very grave.

Another danger would be that either one or the other or both persons become socially stunted. Since both the boy and the girl are prohibited from having close relations with others, their social circle becomes limited. Both are prevented from meeting a lot of other boys and girls whom they could meet if they were free to circulate. For example, take the case of a sixteen - year old girl who goes steady. If after three years of going around with the same boy, going around in the same circle, she breaks up, she would at nineteen, have to start widely circulating again.

As for the romantic advantages such as inspirations, etc., everyone knows that a young boy who thinks he has the most wonderful girl in the world usually loses all interest in other things besides his romance, especially his studies and other duties.

Should You Go Steady?

Should we entirely condemn going steady? My answer is not necessarily. Going steady is necessary and correct provided it is carried on:

a. For the right purpose
b. At the right time
c. Under appropriate circumstances

It is often sour intentions that brand our actions as good or bad. If a boy has evil intentions, then we must condemn his friendship because it is sinful from the foundation. A girl of seventeen who goes steady with one young man after another with no idea of marriage at all in her mind, and certainly no prospect of it for four or five years, who is keeping company for mere amusement, can hardly be said to have justifying cause for keeping company with a boy.

If a boy has the honest intention of getting to know a girl better for the ultimate aim of marriage then going steady is sound and reasonable.

The second requirement is that going steady should be carried at the right time - when they are ready for marriage. The boy is physically fit when he is old enough to enter into marriage without danger to his physical development and when he is healthy of body and mind. He is emotionally fit when he is mature enough to face the responsibilities of married life.

Finally, he should be able to provide for a wife and growing family with a stable income and thus give them security they need. The girl in turn should be old enough to bear children and take care of them without danger to her health and that of her children.

She should be mature enough to understand and accept her responsibilities as wife and mother, and should be sufficiently trained to be able to educate her children properly, since education starts at home.

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Copy right from my grandpa's sister. Images from google search.